A MAN’S URINAL
All right JC…So the world is a man’s urinal? Hmmmmm.
I think one of my first encounters with this is as a young girl crossing a bridge over a creek on my way to school. A boy was standing on the creek bank and I thought he was fly-fishing… that is until I noticed that the reel wasn’t a reel and the rod wasn’t a rod… and I never told my mom that the reason her flowers died was because of the boy next door not the dogs.
On a trip to Florida on my own at 19 years old, a group of kids followed my girlfriend and I and proceeded to invite themselves to use our motel. My friend and I stayed on the beach all day and when we returned that evening we were being kicked out due to boys we didn’t even know using our balcony as a launching point for a urinal down below.
Being married to a devout fisherman, there were many weekends spent camping. I have seen a perfectly healthy tree shrivel up and die after repeated hits. A tree doesn’t even closely resemble a urinal. Normally not the demanding type, I put in a requirement for a personal port-a-potty if I was to continue that lifestyle. There was just something about getting that close to the ground bare-butted that just didn’t set right with me.
I learned early on that to go out fishing was to be stuck in the boat all day. There was no mercy when it came to potty trips. While his equipment was very convenient, I didn’t have the luxury of an attachment that would easily direct the flow several feet from the boat. So while trying to use the side of the boat for my seat, I would lean forward to keep my balance while looking over my shoulder for anyone who might be lurking in the woods. Once I tried to wait until we got back, but as we pulled into the boathouse, I realized that I would never make it up the hill. I tried a new strategy. With one foot in the boat and the other on the walkway, I began to relieve myself… but sometime during mid-stream, something happened. The man who owned the camp decided to come by and say hello. I only had a moment to react. It was either jump into the snake infested water beneath me or show my butt to Mr. Dunn… I chose the snakes.
When I had my first son, he also let me know very quickly that the diaper was not his only urinal. The first night home, tired and exhausted I was really confused when the wallpaper started spotting. Never leave a baby boy uncovered. Not even for a split second. My second son hit the doctor during an examination and you would think that with all his experience, the doctor would have known better than to let that happen.
The male species does not have good aim when it comes to urinals and that might explain why they have a wide range of them. I never could understand why all three of my son’s could shoot a target as small as dime 30 yards away, but could not hit a target as big as a basketball right in front of their feet. It was almost as if my youngest was trying to draw a circle around the edge of the toilet instead of hitting the water. That youngest one was no different when it came to his choice of urinal either. He really blew my mind the night he wandered into my room sleep walking, opened the bedside table drawer and created yet another urinal.
Yes JC… personally, the standard toilet works for me, but I will have to agree with you. Creeks, balconies, trees, boathouses, walls, furniture… anything goes…the world really is a man’s urinal…I don’t support the evolution theory but if I did I would come closer to believing that men evolved from dogs before believing they came from apes.
All right JC…So the world is a man’s urinal? Hmmmmm.
I think one of my first encounters with this is as a young girl crossing a bridge over a creek on my way to school. A boy was standing on the creek bank and I thought he was fly-fishing… that is until I noticed that the reel wasn’t a reel and the rod wasn’t a rod… and I never told my mom that the reason her flowers died was because of the boy next door not the dogs.
On a trip to Florida on my own at 19 years old, a group of kids followed my girlfriend and I and proceeded to invite themselves to use our motel. My friend and I stayed on the beach all day and when we returned that evening we were being kicked out due to boys we didn’t even know using our balcony as a launching point for a urinal down below.
Being married to a devout fisherman, there were many weekends spent camping. I have seen a perfectly healthy tree shrivel up and die after repeated hits. A tree doesn’t even closely resemble a urinal. Normally not the demanding type, I put in a requirement for a personal port-a-potty if I was to continue that lifestyle. There was just something about getting that close to the ground bare-butted that just didn’t set right with me.
I learned early on that to go out fishing was to be stuck in the boat all day. There was no mercy when it came to potty trips. While his equipment was very convenient, I didn’t have the luxury of an attachment that would easily direct the flow several feet from the boat. So while trying to use the side of the boat for my seat, I would lean forward to keep my balance while looking over my shoulder for anyone who might be lurking in the woods. Once I tried to wait until we got back, but as we pulled into the boathouse, I realized that I would never make it up the hill. I tried a new strategy. With one foot in the boat and the other on the walkway, I began to relieve myself… but sometime during mid-stream, something happened. The man who owned the camp decided to come by and say hello. I only had a moment to react. It was either jump into the snake infested water beneath me or show my butt to Mr. Dunn… I chose the snakes.
When I had my first son, he also let me know very quickly that the diaper was not his only urinal. The first night home, tired and exhausted I was really confused when the wallpaper started spotting. Never leave a baby boy uncovered. Not even for a split second. My second son hit the doctor during an examination and you would think that with all his experience, the doctor would have known better than to let that happen.
The male species does not have good aim when it comes to urinals and that might explain why they have a wide range of them. I never could understand why all three of my son’s could shoot a target as small as dime 30 yards away, but could not hit a target as big as a basketball right in front of their feet. It was almost as if my youngest was trying to draw a circle around the edge of the toilet instead of hitting the water. That youngest one was no different when it came to his choice of urinal either. He really blew my mind the night he wandered into my room sleep walking, opened the bedside table drawer and created yet another urinal.
Yes JC… personally, the standard toilet works for me, but I will have to agree with you. Creeks, balconies, trees, boathouses, walls, furniture… anything goes…the world really is a man’s urinal…I don’t support the evolution theory but if I did I would come closer to believing that men evolved from dogs before believing they came from apes.
posted by MindBloggling | 6:45 AM
3 Comments:
I remember being overseas during a missions trip and walking through the "nice parts of town" and seeing people using the world as their urinal.
My Sweetie had me trained, we moved to the Tennessee RIver so I could fish. The front livewell on our boat looked just like an extension of the deck and was like a seat. She let me know right from the very start that the front livewell was her potty. One good thing about it, when ever I moved the boat fresh water ran into the livewell. It was a good thing, because most of the time when ever the boat left the boat house she was holding down her side.
She kept wanting to go on a cuise, so one day I loaded the boat down with vienna sausage, Miller and crackers. We ran down the Tennessee River at around 70 mile an hours, to Guntersville, ate lunch and came back. She laughed for years about her cruise and the gormet dinner
I really have little to say on this issue, being guilty of the same sentiment, and very "relieved" often due to the good Lord's foresight in equipping me and my brethren thusly, but just wanted to say thanks for inviting me to join such a flowing conversation!
I will be checking in to see what other topics are out for discussion!
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